The conversation between Joe Flacco and Ray Rice at the next practice might have gone something like this:
Joe: “Hey Ray, those building-esque guys in enemy jerseys with numbers like 92 and legs resembling fenders of Volkswagon Bugs, let’s try not to throw things at them in pre-game.”
Ray: “My bad, thought it might be fun. It was the most action I had all night.”
Joe: “My bad is right. You know you were wrong. Nothing good ever comes from throwing something at your opponent. Trust me, I’m a quarterback.”
Jets Defensive end Shaun Ellis quickly welcomed Joe Flacco to the NFL season in the 1st quarter on the Ravens’ very first offensive play from scrimmage. Ellis came off the edge as if he were looking for Ray Rice and immediately came to the conclusion that Flacco tastes even better than Rice. Joe might need to pull Ray Rice aside and inform him of his disregard for his QB’s well-being when he decided to incite Shaun Ellis before the game by throwing the pigskin at the D lineman. Shaun didn’t take it personal, he just took Joe Flacco’s body and head and made them into his own personal bobble head doll. The collision had Joe demonstrating his inner Inspector Gadget and almost left him resembling a broken Pez dispenser. But, as compelling as that storyline and lambasting hit was, it was not the main event last Monday.
After 14 years of terrorizing opponents, quarterbacks, tight ends, running backs and unsuspecting wide receivers coming across the middle, Ray Anthony Lewis can add another victim to his already impressive Hall of Fame grocery list of casualties. After almost a week of words being thrown about by both squads, it was time to “buckle up yo chinstraps”. Mr. “U”, like usual, made his presence known Monday night at the new Meadowlands. But what is truly impressive is that RayRay manages to make some of his best plays when the game is still in limbo, like Bud Selig at an All-Star game.
Jets ball down 10-9, 2nd and 10 with about 52 seconds remaining in the offensive explosion of a Ravens/Jets football game (sarcasm-captioned for the intelligence impaired). It is extremely hard to have your head on a swivel or be on the lookout for 52 when you are trying to snare a ball laid out by your QB. BANG! Dustin Keller, say hello to Ray “his friends’ll cut ya” Lewis (as Sen Dog’s wife likes to say). The violent collision and subsequent demonstrative war yell that followed were enough to get a fan up out of his seat and mimic the 11 time Pro-Bowler like my teenage daughter in front of her mirror teaching herself how to Dougie. “When you got that perfect setup and you see this man coming, you go ‘pop’ and you hit him right on the button.” That “button” must be a new addition to a prototype 5-button Playstation controller with a special trapezoid (roughly the shape Keller resembled during the laying of wood) button which causes linebackers to launch themselves in the air resulting in the airborne decleat-ation (new Jacked Up word) of players.
Two plays later, Keller’s head must have still been ringing as he caught a pass 9 yards down field and carefully stepped out of bounds. Only one problem: it was 4th and 10. My guess is he most likely felt heavy breathing and closing thunderous footsteps behind him and possibly imagined hearing the line “kill ’em all and let them paramedics sort ’em out.” Can you blame the guy?
I’d be willing to bet that when Keller was able to check his text messages after the game, there might have been sympathy texts from a certain riverboat-dancing, Lambeau-leaping, Dancing With The Stars receiver from the ‘Nati who can relate to nearly being decapitated by the #52 train draped in purple.
I may be jumping the gun slightly, like a lame lined up next to Usain Bolt at the 2012 Olympics, when I say that RayRay’s hit was the best of the year so far. Considering the time, importance, game saving value and sheer painful violence of the sinus clearer, it was the biggest impact of the game, literally and figuratively. He hit him so hard, it affected his decision making 2 plays later, on 4th down. “There ain’t no man ova there das gone flat out whoop me, so I’m good.” Yes Mr. Lewis, you are very good.