Ryan Burns

1.  STEVEN F. HUTCHINSON: First ballot Hall of Famer.  Simple as that.  He and Big Walt made Shaun Alexander a lot of money and an MVP. When Hutchinson left Seattle for Minnesota, Alexander disappeared faster than Amelia Earhart.  And now, Adrian Peterson is the beneficiary. Seems to be working out nicely.

2.  JAHRI EVANS: A huge part of the Saints’ run to the Super Bowl last year, he is a big reason the Saints can rely so heavily on their running game (and they do, probably more than you know).  If I were a betting man, I’d be betting that Pierre Thomas will have occasion to buy Mr. Evans a couple of Rolexes over the next 5 years or so.

3.  CHRIS SNEE: The Giants have been among the NFL’s elite rushing programs for several years, and Snee is a big part of it.  He’s a run blocking ogre, and probably fits in at the Coughlin Family Thanksgiving table nicely.

4.  BEN GRUBBS:  Yet another Ozzie-found gem.  The Ravens are a power running team, and they’ve relied heavily on that identity while Joe Flacco figures it out.  Grubbs is a big-time road-grader with plus quickness and feet in the pass blocking game.  Still young, and only going to get better, Grubbs is going to be annoying AFC North defensive tackles and inside linebackers for years to come.

5.  ALAN FANECA:  I know the Jets released him, but I believe it was a move motivated more by finances than anything else.  Faneca isn’t quite what he was at his peak, but he isn’t very far into the descent, either, and whatever he lacks in physical ability at this point is more than made up for with veteran smarts and a technician’s approach.  Ken Whisenhut must’ve nearly micturated himself upon hearing of Faneca’s release from New York, because it took all of 9 seconds for him to sign up the long-time Steeler mauler.  Beanie Wells and Matt Leinart (or is it Derek Anderson?) have a new friend.

Sen Sogah

1.  STEVE HUTCHINSON: He’s the reason linemen get big money these days. He made Shaun Alexander an All-Pro and is now opening holes for the best back in football. He’ll be in the HOF once he hangs up the cleats. Partnering with McKinnie, they’re the best combo in the league.

2.  LOGAN MANKINS: He’s not a happy camper right now, which doesn’t bode well for opposing defenses. He’s the best lineman the Patriots have, and has found his niche as a guard instead of a tackle. He is a vicious run blocker and has that necessary mean streak that all O-linemen must possess.

3.  ALAN FANECA: The Cardinals picked up Faneca as part of their new commitment to the run game. They’ll need him to return to his old form in order to help Beanie Wells continue his development. That’s crucial as we still are not sure what to expect from their QB situatuion.

4.  CHRIS SNEE: He’s no longer known just for being related to the head coach. He has turned into a very solid run and pass blocker on a very solid offensive line. He’s the epitome of what a Giant lineman should be.

5.  KRIS DIELMAN: The Chargers have one of the most versatile offenses in football. It’s no coincidence that this is one of the most versatile lineman in the league. Rivers should be buying all kinds of gifts for him since he pass blocks just as well as he blocks for the running backs.

Jason Anderson

Similar to John Ryan’s knowledge of quail in “Wedding Crashers,” I don’t even know what the f&$k a guard is. (Editor’s Note: A fact he will prove rather elegantly in T-minus 9 lines…) Best I can tell, they grab onto the nose tackle and hold on for dear life in the passing game, and they pull and steamroll people in the running game.  I do not pretend to know anything about what makes a good guard and what doesn’t, so this is my entirely unscientific ranking:

1.  STEVE HUTCHINSON:  All I know is that the Seahawks went from annually making the playoffs to cellar dweller the day this guy left for Minnesota and his value was rated so highly that it created a new, poison pill type contract in the NFL.

2.  KYLE KOSIER:  I don’t know why.  I guess because the Cowboys have a good ground game, people always talk about how good their line is, and the tackles aren’t anything to rave about.  Default pick. (Editor’s note 2: Um, Leonard Davis?)

3.  BEN GRUBBS:  This name just sounds like one that probably plays guard really well in the NFL. (Editor’s note 3: Blind squirrels, nuts, etc.)

4.  ERIC STEINBACH: Once this guy left the Bengals and joined Thomas on the line with the Browns, the Browns instantly had a great line. Unfortunately for the Browns, a line is still the only thing they have . . . and a lot of blind optimism.  (Editor’s note 4: We can spell correctly, however, the names of players we openly contend are the best at their position in the NFL.  AHEM.)

5.  LOGAN MANKINS:  I really don’t know if he is good or not, but he looks mean and plays mean and I think that is what a guard is supposed to do.  Belichick drafted him early and inserted him into the lineup early, so that has to account for something right?

Cabeza de Vaca

NFL Offensive Guards are like NFL Centers, it’s tough to watch their great performances on my TV, making it difficult for me to decide who I think is supreme. Nevertheless, here are the five that have done the most to catch my eye on numerous occasions with their dominance:

5. LOGAN MANKINS: He’s a plow horse and the Patriots have hitched on: (CLICK HERE)

4. ALAN FANECA: The Jets have signed off on him, but if he is listed as one of the all-time greatest Lineman for the Pittsburgh Steelers and he is still playing in this league, he belongs in the top 5.

3. DAVIN JOSEPH: If you haven’t heard much of him, you should very soon. They call him T Pain and he is the reason everyone runs well in T Bush.  (CLICK HERE)

2.  CHRIS SNEE: Duh

1.  STEVE HUTCHINSON: Duh-ER…just ask Mike Holmgren, just ask anyone with the sickness living in or near the Emerald City, just ask Fav-re.