COMPOSITE WR RANKINGS           1st/2nd/3rd/4th/5th place votes

1.     Andre Johnson                                              3/1/0/0/0

2.     Larry Fitzgerald                                             1/3/0/0/0

Randy Moss                                                    0/0/2/0/0

T4.  Brandon Marshall                                         0/0/0/2/0

Steve Smith                                                      0/0/1/0/1

6.     Reggie Wayne                                                 0/0/0/1/1

Hines Ward                                                     0/0/0/1/0

T8.  Calvin Johnson                                              0/0/0/0/1

Chad OchoCinco                                            0/0/0/0/1

Anquan Boldin                                               0/0/0/0/1

1.  ANDRE JOHNSON:  Despite being loaded with talent, the Texans haven’t gotten a ton of national games.  And they haven’t made the playoffs, either, so a lot of people haven’t seen Andre Johnson play. (Brief aside to clarify for those with the most acute cases of the Sickness: not everyone watches every game on replay on the NFL Network every week.  I know, it’s weird.  I don’t get it either.  But it is apparently so.)  Andre Johnson does everything, in my view, better than everyone else at the WR position in the NFL (with one small exception, as you’ll see below). He’s huge, both quick and fast, has soft but strong hands that he uses to snatch the football aggressively out of the air, he’s impossible to tackle with one man, he runs perfect routes, he has a football IQ higher than most quarterbacks, and he is a willing, physical blocker in the run game. And he’s not a Diva.

2.  LARRY FITZGERALD:  Just barely #2, Fitz does everything almost as well as Johnson and one thing better: He is the jump-ball king of the NFL, surpassing even the modern-day originator I ranked right below him.  I can only assume Fitzgerald has some anxiety over the state of the Cards’ quarterback position and the trade of Anquan Boldin.  If he doesn’t, he should.  But no matter who is throwing it, Larry will catch it if it’s in the neighborhood, and will often turn it into six points.

3.  RANDY MOSS:  Ask any WR or DB in the game.  Especially Wes Welker.  When he’s right, he still cannot be stopped.

4.  BRANDON MARSHALL:  Character, hip, blah, blah, blah.  100 catches three years in a row, and the last one in only 14 games and with Kyle Orton as his QB and the somebody’s kid brother calling the plays.  This guy is a big-bodied, RAC playmaking machine.  Perhaps most importantly, he forms a three-headed monster for me in the MFL, as I will be  lining up with Marshall, Roddy White and DeSean Jackson as my fantasy WR’s this year.  With Moss, Marshall and….(damn it, Buffalo.  Again?)…well, with Moss and Marshall in the AFC East, we’re going to find out just how good Mr. Revis is in 2010.  (And don’t give me any of your “what about Lee Evans” nonsense, Buffalo.  If you have to ask…)

5.  REGGIE WAYNE:  The Colts haven’t missed a beat since the departure of the allegedly Scarfacian Marvin Harrison.  And with the emergence of guys like Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie, they may not miss a beat when Wayne’s time comes.  It would be reasonable to assume that the obvious common denominator here, #18, is the reason all the Colts receivers look so good.  But Reggie Wayne is a superstar, no matter where or with whom he plays.

Sen Sogah

1.  LARRY FITZGERALD:  He has football speed. His hands are like flypaper. Watching him play is like a video game. I’m not sure how to guard him, and he was 2 minutes away from adding the Lombardi Trophy to his collection. He gets major bonus points for doing this in Arizona, where players used to go to die.

2.  ANDRE JOHNSON: What do you get when you mix 4.5 speed with a 6’3 225 pound body? You get the best receiver in the AFC. Doesn’t matter if it’s Schaub, Rosenfels, or Carr, he always produces. Now if he can just continue to get better, maybe they can make the playoffs one of these years.

3.  RANDY MOSS: The Freak.  ‘Nuff said.

4.  BRANDON MARSHALL: His attitude could use some adjusting, and I’m sure that Parcells will be all over that. His hip injury has been with him for sometime now, so that won’t hold him back. His numbers may go down in Miami’s run first system, but his value will be huge in Henne’s development.

5.  CHAD OCHOCINCO: Even as the years increase on his career, he still puts fear into every DB except Revis Island. Look for a huge year this year and for Cincinnati to hang onto their NFC North title.

Jason Anderson

1.  ANDRE JOHNSON:  Big, fast, tough, and a team player.  Been doing it consistently with different coaches, quarterbacks, and systems. Unstoppable.

2.  LARRY FITZGERALD: Absolute freak of nature, routinely makes once in a life time catches, scariest guy in the league after the catch.

3.  STEVE SMITH (CAROLINA): Tough, fiery, catches everything from bad quarterbacks, consistently dominates notwithstanding double, triple and quadruple coverage, not afraid to punch even his own guys in the mouth to get it going.

4.  HINES WARD: Excels at every facet of the position including blocking, tough as nails, sets the leadership and tone for offense of multiple Super Bowl-winning team.

5.  CALVIN JOHNSON: Absolute freak of nature, part 2.  Although already in the top five, you just know he’s going to explode, not just inch, above the rest at any moment.

Cabeza de Vaca

In this day and age of the NFL morphing into some kind of padded version of Ultimate Frisbee Football, the most coveted position has certainly become the ball-catchers…the prima DIVAS of the Gridiron. Of course, WR’s are subject to who is throwing them the football and designing and calling plays, but I’m gonna ignore all that and tell you straight out which Prancer I want on my team if I have the most optimal situation for playing ULTIMATE at the beach this summer.

5. ANQUAN BOLDIN/STEVE SMITH of Carolina:  This is a tie, and I only put them here so that I can put them together because they are the same kind of tough-as-nails football player. They are the best two Warrior Wideouts in the league, I want them in my corner during any dogfight. One can run by you, and one can run over you, but neither will back down from you. You could easily add HINES WARD and GREG JENNINGS to this category.

4. REGGIE “BATMAN” WAYNE: Tough to see how good he is when he has such a GOD throwing him picture-perfect spirals, but his hands are like suction cups. More like Spiderman than Batman. I think his father was a gecko. Plus, he runs like a Spring Bok.

3. VINCENT JACKSON: I had BRANDON MARSHALL here, but he is such a head case that I removed him from my list and put the guy who probably most likely scares the turds out of 5’9” Cornerbacks. He can fly through the air and stop on a dime. A cross between Harold Carmichael and John Jefferson, if he stays with P. Rivers in SD, he will make statistical history…write it down.

2. LARRY FITZGERALD: duh.

1. ANDRE JOHNSON: He is faster than Larry and probably stronger and he looks better in a dress suit, that’s probably the only difference.

FOOTNOTE: Moss is too old and Crabtree is too young to make this list. Ocho Cinco too distracted… DeSean, Roddy, Calvin and Sidney Rice will have to wait until we expand the list to 10 or more.  But I’m not shaking a stick at ‘em.  (Editor’s Note: Concur with all but the Moss portion of this footnote, verbatim.)